Ladies, Pursue Him: 4 Ways to go After Your Husband the Right Way

Pursue – (v.) to follow and try to catch or capture someone for usually a long distance or time.

Ladies, how many of us look back on dating and engagement days with sentiment (all at once with the collective “Awwwwwwwww”). We remember how much we were in love. Pursuing one another the right way was easy. There were spontaneous calls, silly notes, impromptu walks, and no shortage of talking. He pursued you and you pursued him. This is true in the beginning of almost every relationship. Then marriage happens, kids pop up, careers take center stage (or toys in the middle of the floor), time goes by, and the pursuit changes. All too often, our “pursuits” become something like, “why didn’t you take out the garbage?” – or – we get after him about why his socks are on the floor… again. We forget that during dating we both pursued the right kind of way – for more of each other. We both went after what we wanted. So, why did we stop?

Life sets in. Things begin to become routine and sometimes mundane. There is an assumption that “he is mine,” therefore, I don’t need to try to catch him or keep him anymore. Nothing can be more destructive to a healthy and intimate relationship than one spouse failing to pursue the other. I want to be a wife who keeps pursuing my husband, not because I fear losing him, but because I still deeply desire him and love him. The truth is, ladies, we underestimate how empowering it can be to be intentional and authentic in the pursuit of our husbands. No one wants a mediocre marriage. If you want that fire back, here are 4 ways you can pursue your husband:

1- Ask questions

Regardless of what our husband’s do for a living, much of his identity is wrapped up in work and how he provides for his family. Ask him about his day and listen actively so you can ask questions that mean something. Even if the conversation only lasts a few minutes, it’s a great opportunity to show your genuine interest in who he is, and it’s also a great opportunity to thank him for all that he does.

2- Touch him

Never underestimate the power of touch. All of the stuff you didn’t want to stop doing when you were dating – do that! Whether it’s holding his hand in the car while running errands, laying your head on his shoulder while watching Netflix, or scooting a little bit closer in the bed – touch shows affection.  Be the initiator of touch in your marriage.

3- Initiate Sex

God wants us to have great sex within the context of marriage. All too often, we let life get in the way, or we think that all our husbands want is sex. Truth is, what your husband really wants is for you to WANT to have sex with him, for you to ENJOY being with him and for you to INITIATE it. His deeper needs, and yours, will be met when you, as the woman, initiate a physical connection, rather than leaving it up to him all the time.  Let’s be honest here. Think back to the last time you initiated sex in your marriage. I know all the excuses that are coming to your mind right now — too tired, don’t need it, takes too much energy, etc., etc., etc. When you decide to make a physical connection to your spouse a priority, when you initiate sex more, you will find that intimacy will become much more beautiful, unifying and fulfilling. Give it try.

4- Go after Jesus together

More important than anything else, pursue Jesus.  From your pursuit of Him, everything else will follow (John 15:5). Everything God wants you to be in your marriage you’ll learn you’re your relationship with Jesus. He has to be first. Spend time reading God’s Word alone. Spend time praying alone, pray big for your marriage, and pray bold for your husband. When Jesus is at the center of your marriage in an all-in-this-is-how-we-live-life kind of way, amazing things will happen.

Ladies, we have to start pursuing our husbands in a real way, not because we’re afraid of losing them, but because we still deeply desire him and we want to show him that! No one wants a mediocre marriage, so take matters into your own hands. Try it this week. Do these four things and see his response. Pursue your husband. Sparks will fly and passion will come back like never before. We can have extraordinary marriages!